


We watched the train wreck

by AlexisTheSheep



Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F, Internalized Homophobia, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-17
Updated: 2018-10-22
Packaged: 2019-03-05 21:40:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 8
Words: 9,128
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13396791
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AlexisTheSheep/pseuds/AlexisTheSheep
Summary: A series in which each member of the team finds out about Emily's demon. They watch her slipping and fail to act.





	1. First Step to Recovery (Reid)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The first sign of Emily's struggle is found out in a drunken phone call between the genius boy and his sister figure.

She loved her. Jennifer knew of his love for her so it made sense to call him. Did it? While Emily slowly wasted away in the background, drunk and alone she finally dialed the number. Admitting you have a problem is the first step and everything after that is a different story."Emily everything okay?" The genius boy wasn't use to getting call from the brunette especially at the dead of night. Something was wrong, he could feel it. 

"Spence I'm so sorry! It must have hurt for so long! How did you survive? How did you tell her? This is how you feel about her?" She says drunken. He practically could smell the alcohol on her breath from miles away. Was she safe? Questions and fear entered his mind when he hear the pain and sorrow in her soul. "I love her Spencer!" Hot tears fill his eyes, he's never heard her cry. "Who Emily? Tell me... Please"

"JJ. I love JJ and I know it's sick and wrong but, I can't stop it."

Tears flow freely between the two. They mix together pooling creating the saddest ocean known to humankind. All the sorrow over the same person but, he'd "healed." He moved on. Was he expert in this field? Everyone knew that the brunette was gay but, they'd wait until she was comfortable telling the team herself. Reid didn't love her any less, how could he? Prentiss was a part of the team and his life, how someone was willing to give all the love up over something as stupid as homophobic was mind blowing to him. "Emily... It's not wrong" His voices breaks. Knowing her pain was like a small piece of glass in his heart that wasn't beating. "No it's not! Before you ask Reid I'm not okay. How could I be I saw them! JJ was kissing Will and I stood there watching them" He hears her cry harder and choke on her tears. She was so broken. How many nights did she spend like this? "I don't know what to say" he cursed himself. They promised not to profile each other but, he should have. "Does it end?" he hears a glass shatter in the background. His mind told him to scream at her to stop. Drinking through pain was the first rock in the road and the next drink you know, you're fucked up."Does what end? Emily you're scaring me!" Was she suicidal? 

"Loving her! Does it end" Emily was nothing in that moment. A leaf drifting through the wind straight into fire. The genius man breaks down into a scared boy who just found his mom and dad in a brutal fight. While miles away Emily drowns herself alone, heartbroken, and suicidal. She hung up. Throwing her phone against the wall she grabbed another half empty whiskey bottle, finished it and threw it too. The brunette picked up the sharpest piece of glass and started to curve her pain on her wrist. She felt nothing. Crimson filled all over the white sink, it was so warm. The wrist pulsed causing Emily do it and again until she never wanted to stop. No one was around. She could do it forever who would stop her. 

Reid woke up with a soaked pillow. He was profiler, he should have noticed Emily's pain. After a pep talk in the mirror or two he gets dressed. Grabbing a pair of sunglasses he headed out the door. First walking into the door he sees Emily face down on her desk with a sealed water bottle. Questioning the bottle he speaks up "Is that water Emily?" She groans a lying yes. A lie. "Mind if I" he takes the bottle that smells of alcohol and sadness "why lie?" He hands her the sunglasses and pain pills. Suddenly the brunette was alive "I need it Reid give it me" she stands up or attempts to. They fumble over the bottle until JJ walks up to them. Reid instantly gives her the bottle."What's going on here guys? Oh my god Emily what happened to you." She tries to touch Emily but, she unsuccessful. The blonde is slightly hurt at the rejection.

"Stuff."

Reid watches Emily suffer right in front of her face. Begging to be saved Hotch called them into the room with a new case. He notices the look of desire on Emily's face as JJ talks.On the plane she locks herself away in her own bubble. She's writing something while secretly crying. He doesn't question it, maybe she's coping."Hey Reid is Emily okay?"He lies straight to her face. He was from Vegas, poker face was unreadable. "She's had a hard night." No doubt that it was more than one night. Days, months, or years it doesn't matter to him. He'll help and support. Give her the shoulder she needs. Anything his sister figure needs."That was vague! Thank you Mr. Helpful." He fake smiles at her. His brain screaming at him to tell her what's going on. "She's in pain. She's lonely. I'm afraid. Please help her while it isn't to late. I think she's suicidal." He thinks but, doesn't speak. JJ walks to Emily. The brunette sees this, wipes her tears, and hides her writing. Her eyes recoil in pain as the blonde touches her, this doesn't go unnoticed by Jennifer who's eyes get watery. In his head he repeats the saying.

"This is the first step to recovery."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was the first chapter, How was it? Should I continue?


	2. Bad Habits (Hotch)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The unit chief starts to notice a set of unhealthy patterns that falls upon a member of the team and takes action.

Hotch sees Reid become protective over Emily and how she avoids the press liaison. He sees 'hidden tears' and the ever ending look of sorrow. Hotch sees the bad habits form. She smells faintly of alcohol every time they meet up for cases. It doesn't take along before he notices that she never shows her wrist. They face away from every pair of eyes she avoids. Would a father just stand there and watch his children slowing kill themselves? The man of protocol was just his mask. There was a softness to him that his team hadn't seen but, the walls that took years to craft become mere crumbs when he looks at the broken girl. It was time to act. 

"Agent Prentiss may I speak with you?" He's voice calm and distant. The brunette drags her feet across the floor as she walks to his office. As soon as they reach the room he guides her inside. He draws the blinds shut and hugs Emily like he'll never let go. She's stiff until she breaks and hugs back. Hotch shows her emotions even he didn't know he had. After a few minutes she let's it all out. Her love. Her fears. Her emotions. Sadness, angry, desire, fear, and desperation. They stay there for what feels like an hour. The agents talk and really feel their feelings, letting them become works of art before Hotch brings up the most painful and hardest topic to talk about. "Emily. I love you as if has a daughter. You practically are. I need you to stop drinking and I see the scars. I know it's hard but, we need you strong and healthy. You're our glue. Take the rest of the day off, take day or two off if you need. I will always be here for you."

"Thank you Hotch but, this job is keeping me on my knees." There was something in her choice of words that stuck out to the male profiler. He couldn't place it.

The lawyer opens the blinds again and lets her out. All the team stands at their decks looking at his room and Emily. Hotch's eyes caught Reid who's smile was sadden. The genius boy's asked waves of questions. Was that just a talk or is she leaving? Is she okay? He turned to walk back into his room, the man sat in silence until JJ appeared in his office with a case. He signed "JJ?" As much as he wanted to tell the blonde everything, is wasn't his place."Yes sir?" Was this the right thing to do? "Talk to Emily." JJ leaves the room more confused then she was a minute ago. He called Haley to just to hear her voice. She was his rock. Hotch finds his peace after that talk and calls in Reid.

"Is Emily okay?"

"Reid she isn't. She's drinking and cutting. I know you know why didn't you say anything? Prentiss... she's broken!" The shared guilt between them was immense "I'm sorry. She called me 2 week ago drunk and asked me if it ever ends." Hotch's face goes still "If what ends?"

"Loving JJ."

"What did you say?" His face rests a tiny bit, he still feels pain.

"I didn't get the chance to say anything" Reid walks out the room, regret covering his face. Hotch puts himself together and somehow continues the day with a new lens on Emily. He walks in to the briefing room and sees a faint smile on Emily's face while JJ is eating Cheetos and gushing over them. 

Maybe loving JJ is just a bad habit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's Hotch's chapter! If you feel like it doesn't do him justice, I understand tell me how I can improve. I'm thinking of maybe doing one where Emily and an unsub kinda have a moment, would that something I should do or not? Garcia's chapter is next.


	3. The future of this story

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An update.

As you may know, I took a break with this story. I was and am struggling with some issues in my personal life but, I'm wiling to commit and write again if any of you guys want this. Chapter 3 has a plot and 2500 pages already written. It's up to you guys if I should continue each chapter for every person in Emily's life or if I wrap it up with two more chapters. Overall I plan on finishing this story. Motivation is hard for me to find but, I can.


	4. Same story Different Endings (Unsub)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This time Emily faces a unsub who she connects with a personal level but, what happens when they talk? What is JJ waiting to tell the team? This the most important turning point in the Emily's life. Which path will she take?

It was cold around this season. Sweaters in the summer weren't exactly as subtle as Emily wanted it to be but, that wasn't the a concern anymore. The cutting was childish. Everything seemed meaning less to her. People were always going to kill and hurt. Profiling was useless when there is always case after case and no break. The brunette was tired. Emily haven't shown up to work yesterday but, today was a different story. Something pushed her to get up and try to live. She skipped the fake smiling in the mirror and for the first time she genuinely smiled. It didn't matter if it was happiness or temporary insanity, it felt good. Reid noticed her lighten mood and decided not question it. "Hey Emily" JJ walked over the older woman. "Hello JJ" she said with a small smile. "Can we talk later? I miss you." Before she can answer Hotch and Garcia are waving them into the room. They all take their respected seats and the briefing began. The world's best hacker was up and at attention "LAPD is requesting the crime fighters due the mysterious string of murder" she pulls up 3 images of people "John Kelly, 45, a wife and three kids. Tory Washington, 23, single. Michael Dewell, 37, married. Now that might sound typical until you do some more digging and discover that they ALL work for LaGlickists Law firm." Morgan was the first to throw his theory "this unsub could hate people with money?" Then Reid " maybe it's people with corporate influence?" All those were options but, Emily had to chime in "maybe it's personal. I mean stabbing are very personal..." Everyone nodded. Hotch speaks up "well we won't know until we get there. Wheels up in 20."

All the those sleepless nights melted away for Emily. The brunette instantly fell asleep on the plane. JJ and Morgan started a conversion. "Hey Morgan do you think that Emily is mad at me?" The male agent huffed "of course not JJ. She loves you. I think Prentiss is just fighting some demons in her head. Don't let it get in your head too much. That woman is the strongest person I have met, I don't think anything can't crack her." Jennifer wasn't sure if Derek was talking out of his ass but, her heart told her not to believe her co-worker. "Yeah she is strong." The blonde couldn't help but, think about her best friend in a different light. If things were different they'd be together. Faith had different plans and JJ was in love with Will, right? Holy shit. No she was 100%! Morgan sense the space between the plane and JJ's head-space. "What's on your mind, Princess?" It took a few second before she answered "I think Will proposed... and I said yes but, I’m not sure that I love him like I should. He wants to get married next month." Morgan's eyes bulge "way to drop a bomb Jay. Don't rush it. Think it out. Okay blondie?"

"I will Derek. I think my heart still doesn't know who it belongs to someone. I miss knowing who that person is but, our timing was just seconds off. I have to love Will." JJ wanted to curl in a ball and cry. "Jennifer you need to tell her. It isn't fair to Will or whoever this mystery woman is. Whoever it is loves you, you need to tell her that you love her before you marry Will." The blonde wasn't listening "let's just brief the case.”

It sucked to wake up. In Emily's dream she was floating. Drifting in black water into more darkness, something that surrounded her like a warm blanket. The light was cold. Reality was cold. Although being woken up by the love of your life isn't bad… until you realize that she doesn't feel the way. That was Emily's curse, living in a world, in which she doesn't get to have her soulmate. “People are dying this isn't the time to be pity myself” Emily thought as she joined the group. JJ took the seat adjacent to Reid and across from her. “Emily and JJ you guys head to the M.E and then to second victim’s, Tory Washington, house. Local police will meet you there.” Hotch then paired everyone but, before they could prepare for landing Reid tried to save Emily from the pain. “Hey JJ maybe I should go with Emily?” Jennifer grinned at him “I got this.” Tensions ran high. “Um but I need to talk with her.” JJ’s half smile grew “Reid. I'm going with Emily because I also need to talk to her. So there something going on? You seem overly--” Reid then cut her off “nope you guys have fun!” And with that they hopped off the plane to the case duties. The blonde and brunette duo find their ways into one car. “Emily what's wrong? I miss my friend. I miss the Prentiss that was here, on Earth. Tell me what happened to my best friend.”   
“Best friend? Is that what I am to you? A friend? I should have known better. Things don't get better. Only worse” Emily’s brain attacked her. JJ was still waiting for a reply. “I um Jay. I will tell you someday soon okay.” They both chuckled “okay but, promise and try to be my Emily again please?” Emily turned up the radio “I'm always be yours, JJ.” Being with her made the darkness cold and the light warm. Brown eyes looked at something magical. JJ was smiling and lightly dancing to the song on the radio. An image she'd keep forever. 

“Hello Chief Medical Examiner Hallen?” The platinum blonde smiled at the older agent “Emily Prentiss? I would recognize that voice anywhere. Oh right official business. Looks like the unsub, as you call them, when full on staby staby.” Uncovering the body, the doctor smiled at JJ “sorry I'm Quinn and you're Agent Jareau?” Emily counted and looked at the cleanliness of the wounds. The lack of blood was odd. Especially paired with the seemingly frenziness of the stab wounds. “JJ look at this, absolutely no blood. Was there any trace evidence of a cleaning solution. Bleach?” 

“Good that you mention that. There was traces of hydrogen peroxide around and in the cuts. Speaking of traces, in the victim's hand I found this” she said showing a long lock of red hair. I got nothing from it but-- yeah that’s all I have for you.” They almost got out of the room before Quinn stopped her friend. JJ waited by the door lightly eavesdropping. “Emily are you okay?” The brunette dropped her head “not good, Quinn, not good. I can’t do whatever I’m doing for long. I’m tired.” All she got was a smile as reply “call me later.” Both agents joined back together. Soon they were in the car on the way to the second crime scene. “Looking like the booking for the hotel didn’t go through. You and I are sharing. Is that okay, Em?”

“Sharing a room? I can do that” that was somewhat easy. Worst case she would break her sobriety and a drink or two. “That’s okay.” JJ grinned “it’s a one bed. Still good?”

No.

No.

No!

“Rather you than Reid. So… how’s Will?” Jennifer frowned “I will tell you after we solve this case. Any ideas?” Case talk was easy but, with JJ and Emily was a natural flow. “I’m leaning towards the unsub being a female. I won’t be sure until we see the crime scene. It’s a hunch.” One hour of comfortable conversation later, and they were at the small house. Officer Lancaster greeted them “we left everything like it was” he gesture them inside. No blood? Spatter? Anything? The air reeked of cleaner. Nothing was out of the ordinary; you wouldn't be able to tell a brutal murder took place in the living house. Other than the living room remained the only room that was obsessively clean. Tory’s room was an organized mess. Mail was thrown around on the dresser. Emily slipped on her blue gloves and began to read through some of the letters. Most of them were bills and throw away mail but, one caught her eye. JJ was looking around in the bathroom. Nothing caught her eye but, her ears did. “JJ! Come here. I got something” she handed over a letter.

Dear Tory Washington,

You will pay.   
You and all the devils.   
I have my eye on you.   
I will make you pay for your crime.

The font was eerie. Jennifer thought about the syntax “ why did the unsub use you and I starters? I statements usually are powerful, more direct, and forward while You statements cause the reader to reflect and feel emotions. YOU will pay, YOU and all the devils. Whoever wrote this is clearly punishing Tory for something. We just need to know what.” Prentiss nods. She quickly answers a call from Derek “Hey Morgan. You’re on speaker.” The man snickers “Reid and I are heading back to the station. You guys find anything interesting?” The blonde and brunette started to make their way into the black SUV. “Of course!” 

“Do tell.” 

JJ plucked the phone from Emily's hand “you’ll have to wait” then hung up. All the agent could do was chuckle and start up the engine. The blonde partook in some much needed shuteye. A depressive mood swing snuck its way in the car. It would be so easy, grabbing her Glock, placing it to her head, and pulling the trigger. All the pain gone. In attempt to fight the distasteful daydreams she thought of something more suitable. Three lawyers. An undeniably female unsub. She’s organized enough to carry out this murders cleanly, pissed enough to send a warning letter but, enraged enough to stab someone seventeen times? Not to mention the odd cleaning ritual. Wait. ‘I will make you pay for your crime.’ Singular crime. She woke the blonde up “sorry. Can you call Garcia?” Half awake she does as told. “Hello my favorite b&b duo!” 

“I'm not even going to ask what that is. Anyways you're on speaker. JJ is half asleep. Can you check for cases all three victims worked on together?” Penelope started to type furiously “jeepers. Excusez moi as I cut away layers of red tape. I hit you back when I find something.” The agents hands brush together when Emily reached to hang up the call. Still half asleep JJ holds on the Emily's hand before promptly falling in a slumber. Driving with one hand is okay but, crashing the car because you're holding the hand of your unrequited soulmate is not. Friends hold hands. Yes, a in the closet lesbian and out of the closet bisexual can platonically hold hands, flirt, travel across the world to save each other's lives, and can somehow not be together. “We would be so perfect” she says quietly. JJ chose Will. In the brunette's mind Jennifer Jareau was never into her. They were just friends that happened to both be gay. The universe just had fun torturing Emily. Was Katherine Doyle not a enough? Or being hit with a plank of wood? Or being shot? Stabbed? Fucking tortured? Seriously it seemed like the bad luck never ended. Reid and Hotch both knew how bad it was for her. The alcohol helped. A promise of chugging a lonesome bottle of poison is the only reason she's functioning like a normal working human today. It pained her to admit that she needed or wanted help. Emily is definitely suicidal but, she’s fighting it. Badly fighting. Only if she knew what the universe had in store for her. For now, she almost wanted to live. Maybe this JJ thing will past and she'll marry and be in love with someone else. Perhaps Quinn? Luckily they arrived before her brain could even think about that parallel universe. 

“I think the unsub might be female” Emily tells her coworkers “she’s so clean with not only the murders but, the crime scene were spotless!” Morgan had his doubts “17 stab wounds? That’s a lot of anger and work for a female.”

Shaking her head, the agent defended her theory “it’s possible.” Reid stood up and look like the photos again “Prentiss is right. The unsub is most likely female.” JJ’s phone rang “hey Garcia you’re on speaker.”

The world’s best hacker greeted her work family “after a few minutes of cutting paired with the dodging of red tape, I uncovered a case that screams unsub trigger. Tory, Michael, and John all worked a domestic abuse case in 2013. Darnell and Janet Radin both were in court. Janet had enough of her husband’s abuse so she filed a divorce only to take him to court for a restraining order a week later. Seems like an easy case, right? Well you’re wrong! All the three of the judges that worked on the case had money in Darnell’s business. At the time, BornFree, his company, was under heavy media fire because of the divorce.”

“A restraining order would have buried them.” Hotch was starting to understand the scoop of this crime. “So they didn’t file the order and now Darnell is killing the judges? That doesn’t make sense?” Garcia sighed “you need to let me finish. Darnell Radin 2 weeks after the order was denied KILLED Janet by stabbing her 17 in the face and neck.” The team was all in shock. It was a unbelievable brutal story. Everyone had more question but, one seem more important “where is Darnell?” That was it. They had a suspect right? “He’s in LA. Not in jail. Ouch… he was in prison for 32 days in that time the prisoners had beat him so badly… he lost function over his left body.” It wasn’t him. Emily kept thinking about something the M.E showed her. 

Red hair… “Garcia do any of Janet’s friend have red hair?” Everyone but, JJ was confused. Jennifer explained to them what the medical examiner found. The hacker typed away furiously then the line when silent “oh my god… oh that’s tragic.” Hotch grew impatient “what did you find.”

“Janet has a friend with red hair. Elizabeth Battington. They were so super close. Picture of them were all over her social media… hold on… oh no.” Penelope was clearly getting emotional “guys Elizabeth was in love with her.” Reid asked how she knew that. The hacker showed them her last post on Facebook. Emily read it aloud “I loved her. They took her away from me, keeping the fucking pig save. I never got to tell her and now I can’t. They WILL pay. Fucking monsters. She was so amazing and now she’s just a victim.”

Emily walked away from the group. Elizabeth was in the same situation as her. Minus that person being dead. In this story Emily was going to be just as dead as Janet. While everyone deliver the profile and put out an APB, the brunette sulked. Elizabeth wasn’t bad. Killing people was wrong but, there was something relatable about her story. One of the officers screamed at the team “you guys we just got a call from someone’s wife claimed that there was a someone in there house with a knife. Is it possible that this is our unsub?” Turns out the house was owned by Darnell’s new wife. This had just become a hostage situation. Two children and a wife then two murders. Everyone tried to talk her out but, there was only one entrance. Elizabeth wasn’t willing to talk but, Emily was. The brunette handed JJ her gun and started her way to the house. The redhead saw here through the window. Jennifer screamed at Emily to come back while Morgan and Hotch held her back “Hotch YOU'RE JUST GOING TO LET HER WALK IN THERE!!!” The unit chief understood what his agent was doing and he didn’t need to justify orders. Once in the house, Emily walking in the living room. Elizabeth had knife to Darnell’s throat and the kids were cowering in fear. Their mother was next to them. “Elizabeth let the children and wife go.” They weren’t her target so she did. The agent walked closer. “What he did to Janet is absolutely wrong but, you can’t kill him.” 

The unsub pushed the knife harder against the man “why not?” She was starting to break. “Because Elizabeth you’re not a monster. You loved Janet and you can’t tell her that now. But this, this isn’t going to bring her back. I understand Elizabeth. Let him go.” They both got teary eyed. “How could you possibly understand!” Emily stepped closer. “I have a Janet but, she isn’t dead. She’s just with someone. Elizabeth I love her. So much at times it hurts okay but, she wouldn’t want me to kill for her. She doesn’t even want me. Janet doesn’t want to be honored like this. You’re alive so love her in the light. Let him go.” They were both crying at this point. “I will. Promise me you’ll tell her? Prentiss shook her head “I-i-i can’t do that.” The looked her in the eyes “don’t end up like me” she dropped Darnell to the ground. Emily let him crawl out of the door before approaching Elizabeth. She tried to hug the unsub but, the redhead screamed at her to backup “YOU NEED TO TELL HER!” The two argued for a few. JJ fought past Morgan and Hotch. “I can’t do that Elizabeth.” Tears covered both their faces and increasingly the unsub started to lose it. Elizabeth held the knife to her throat. “Tell me her name.” Emily cried harder “please don’t make me this.” There was so much to lose. The brunette and redhead didn’t notice the blonde behind her “her name is Jennifer. Jennifer Jareau.” Smiling the unsub looked at Emily once more “you have to tell her before it’s too late” Elizabeth slid the knife across her throat. Yelling for a medic Emily ran towards the redhead and place her hand on her throat to stop the bleeding. “Why did you do that. I could’ve help you.” The unsub tried to speak but, couldn’t. Her blood was everywhere. Prentiss knew exactly want she was trying to say. She could feel her pulse fading “I promise I’ll tell her. I promise to make everyone understand you’re not crazy.” Elizabeth wasn’t going to survive. Emily behind her seeing JJ in the corner. She didn’t care. Looking down at her dying friend she let her tears fall “it’s okay Elizabeth you can let go. You can be with Janet again. I’ll stay with you.” Jennifer let to see where the medic was. The two heartbroken people sat there. One was dying and the other was dying on the inside. 

They were too late. When they arrived Emily was crying with the unsub in her arms. Her blood was all over her. The paramedics took her body but, Emily was still crying on the floor. JJ walked over the brunette and got her stand up. They looked at each other “why did you say my name, Em. What were you talking about?” 

The brunette look at her, smiled, and walked off. Everyone wanted to check on her but, she just hopped into a car and drove to Quinn’s house. The platinum blonde accepted her with open arms. She let Emily clean herself off and change into her clothes before allowing her friend to cry on her shoulder. Emily had explained everything to her but, that didn’t stop her tears. After a few hours Emily feels stable enough to look at her phone. 13 missed calls. Most of them were from JJ and a handful from Reid. Rossi had left one. She called him back “you needed something Rossi?” The Italian man sounded relieved that she was okay “I just wanted to tell that the team is meeting at this bar. I’ll send you the address. JJ said she wanted to tell us something”. Emily hung up. She looked at Quinn for a bit “do you want to go out for drinks?” 

After a quick drive, they reach the bar. It was nothing special. Rossi was just outside smoking. “Hey Rossi. This is Quinn.” The two shook hands and walked in. Everyone was there with drinks. Emily introduced the medical examiner. Jennifer stood up with a huge smile on her face. “Well you see I call you guys here to tell you something really important.” Emily’s thoughts froze. “Will and I are getting” time slowed down for the brunette “married.” She couldn’t move a muscle as she heard the next words “next month. I will it’s a little sudden but, you’re all invited.” Everyone hugged and congratulated Jennifer while Emily sat there in a depressive trance. At first she felt a whole lot of emotions and now there were none. Anger? No. Sadness? No. Happiness? No. Absolutely nothing. Quinn looked at the agent, jokingly afraid her friend was having a stroke. Jennifer also look at the brunette and the lifeless expression. “Em” no response “Emily.” The brunette snapped out of it “yes?”

Everyone else was drinking and talking. The blonde was very worried “are you okay?” Emily recapped everything that just happened and began to tear up “I um… left the car running.” She stood up and walked away wiping her tears. Quinn smiled at JJ and when off to chase her friend. The former Interpol agent was in the car crying intensely “I’m sorry Elizabeth I can’t do it.” The platinum blonde sat in the driver’s spot “it’s okay Emily. You guys had the same story but, completely different endings. In the end Elizabeth killed 3 people… don’t be like her. Don’t keep trying to kill yourself.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Holy heck this is a long one and sorry it took a while! I wrote this one with no outline so sorry if it's terrible. Anyways here the Unsub chapter hope it was what you wanted? Next time it's Garcia's time to find out what is wrong with our dear Emily Prentiss.


	5. Losing Her (Morgan)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Morgan starts to notice Emily's odd behavior as JJ's wedding is only a month away but, what happens when he figures out why?

"It's your second time being here. When are you going to let it go, Emily?" The male agent walked up to his saddened friend. It had been a full month since 'The Case' and almost every week Morgan found his friend a little drunk and crying at this grave. A murderer's grave. A unsub's grave. He didn't know why. She never talked about that day; Derek quickly got sick of her escaping her problems. Emily didn't even look at him, to her there wasn't a point anymore. 

"You have five seconds to tell what happened between Elizabeth and you before I call Hotch and get you evaluated." Finally they made eye contact. He walked closer to the grave and knelt next to the brunette "Emily, talk to me." 

And she started too. "I made a promise to Elizabeth. We related to each other. Derek, I talked her down from killing scum, at the end of that talk, she committed suicide." The agents stared at each other "What promise?" Emily started to stand up "I promised to tell JJ that I love her..." Silence "but, she's marrying Will so, I come here and apologize. I try to resolve that broken promise." 

It started to make sense now. Everything. How Hotch and Reid acted around Emily. The stiffness between the blonde and brunette. Morgan couldn't form words. He didn't even try. They walked back to the lot.  Emily was not in position to drive but, she didn't protest the man's offer to drive her home. After a lengthy elevator ride of silence, he saw her apartment for the first time. Highest one in the building and somehow it was the coldest. There wasn't a single personal item. It was clinical. "Tell Jennifer. Before it's too late before she's married." The brunette couldn't even agree to that. "I can't. She deserve to be happy with him. Look, I appreciate the talk and drive but, I need to do some stuff and um, I will see you at work tomorrow." Of course he didn't give it much fight. 'She's just sad and pain passes' that was the only thought he gave it until tomorrow happened. 

Emily sighed and throw her keys across the wooden floor "fuck!" 

Inhale.

Exhale.

Inhale. 

Exhale. 

"Fuck" she said quietly then began packing up some more stuff and finishing the letters. All her stuff left to friends and what little family she had left. Morgan got all her property; Reid got all her books and collectables; Hotch got all her unit chief reports (all sweet words); Garcia got all her pictures and Sergio; Jennifer got everything that made her, well, her. Emily's fingers ghosted over her smartphone. Playing with the idea of calling someone. Impulse got her for a few seconds before she made her snap decision. It only took a single ring before she answered with a smile on her face. 

"Hey Emily?" And the brunette's first truth smile made its appearance for the day "hey Jen I was just calling to check in. Hope I'm not interrupting anything." Her voice was the only working antidepressant. "Oh no, of course not. I'm just trying to speed up this wedding day. What are you up to, Em? I could always use a helping hand here." The formor Interpol agent's train of thought crashed. "Emily?... Are you still there?"

"Um, yeah sorry. Um. I'm so sorry something just came up and I need to take care of it and stuff. I will see you tomorrow, bye." She hung up. Jennifer frowned. She happened to be thinking of that very agent. Why was it when she tried to talk with the woman about her and Will's wedding she suddenly had to "take care of something." UGH! That didn't matter! She'd marry Will and lose her feelings for the brunette. Tomorrow. 'I'll see her again tomorrow' Jennifer smiled to herself, daydreaming of what ifs and if onlys. 

[The Next Day]

It is a rare day. A day where Emily woke up and her first thought wasn't despair, it was content. The job was just as easy as a murder of child could be. Morgan kept his distance and so did Hotch but, Reid's eye never left a stone unturned. Jennifer yet again had an announcement "Luckily, I worked something out with Rossi and the wedding is going to be in one and half weeks! Wednesday. We are all off. I really want all of you to be there so PLEASE, tell me if that won't work for you." Emily smiled at Jennifer, not because she was happy but, because she wanted to die so badly in that moment and for some twisted reason, she found it funny.  Morgan looked at his friend with more concern then ever. He was losing her. Completely losing her.  
Emily chucked to herself 'so I'm dying the day after Wednesday?' and she couldn't stop laughing while Morgan started to notices how far gone she was.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys I have no idea if people still read this but, I apologize for the long waits and badly edited chapters. The moment you're waiting for is coming in two chapters but, that isn't the end, right?


	6. Let her be happy (Rossi)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oh a dreadful day waits ahead

Color. The leaves were changing their color. A bright green slowly turns brown and dies. How was this death of another life form so beautiful? It isn't tragic. Child jump on dead leaves and yet Emily couldn't help but, smile with them. She raked all the leaves into a pile and watched them dive in and out over and over again. Jack and his friend Michael were playing at the park. He was still fairly young. "It's happening tomorrow, what are going to do?" Emily looked at the unit chief "I am going to be there as her friend. She's happy. Look I can't talk about this I need to go" she started to walk away "thank jack for inviting to his awesome playdate and I'll see you both tomorrow." 

The brunette's brain refused to process. "Come on Emily! Fuck! You're a Prentiss. Shit, you have to go, tomorrow. Fuck it, I'm calling her." Jennifer again answer in two seconds "hello?"

"Hey Jay it's Emily I was calling to apologize about missing your bridal party but, I'm afraid I might not be able to make it tomorrow." 

Why is she laughing? "Yeah, Emily I'm not having this wedding without you." Holy fuck. Did she know and was going out of her way to torture her? "So you're coming tomorrow even if I have to drag you there. So get your dress ready and remember to wake up by 9:30. I'll pick you up." Emily banged her head against her steering wheel in defeat "fuck!" 

[The day of] 

"Wow. JayJe you look amazing. Wow." The brunette smiled "Will's a lucky guy." Jennifer blushed "I look amazing? Have you looked at yourself? Black is your color." Blue and brown eyes summit to each other. And in any other timeline time they'd be devouring each other. Emily was the one to break their cosmic stare off. Both were left speechless by intensity. "We need to head out." Jennifer didn't want to leave, it hurt. To be so close to someone you love, so close to finally telling someone and then realizing that today is the day you're supposed to be married. 

[3 hours later]

She sits between Rossi and Reid. The genius boy offers his sad smile and heartfelt eyes. They stand up as JJ walks down the aisle. And she's so beautiful Emily starts to cry. To anyone around her it looked normal but, the people who knew her saw the real reason. Emily held her darkest secret behind those tears. This was the second to last time she'd see JJ or the team. Last time she'd feel sun on her skin or wind in her hair and part of her just wanted to let go. To not have to feel the pain of breathing. She wanted, no, needed to disenthralled by death. And she was screaming in her head 'be free, be free, and BE HAPPY! Because right now in this life you'll never be happy' and then it started.

William and JJ join hands. The blonde's smile on her face was electric. 

The priest begins to speak "Family and friends, we are gathered here today in the presence of these witnesses, to join William LaMontagne and Jennifer Jareau in matrimony commended to be honorable among all." The tears freely fall down her face. She tunes off the rest of it until he says "If any person can show just cause why they may not be joined together. Let them speak now or forever hold your peace." Rossi sees Emily on the verge on standing when he places his hand on her trembling knee. The older man understands now "let her be happy. Prentiss, she wants Will."

Reid looks at her with such confusion. JJ looks to the crowd and sees Emily's hurt expression. For moment she calls her name out. Then she looks at whole team who's staring at Emily. She turns back to Will as he gives his vows. Soon after Jennifer gets her's. And just like that, it's official. Emily is the first person to leave for her car. Rossi drops it instantly. It wasn't his problem. A storm brews inside of Emily. A vicious cycle bound to end badly. JJ looks her best friend but, she can't find her. "Hey Reid where's Emily?"

"She um" he looks around "isn't feeling well but, she'll be back for the reception."

"Okay" she says wary but, soon drops it.

His words repeat in her head 'let her be happy.'

"Let her be happy."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A fast short chapter! The next chapter is longer but, boy oh boy is it going to be good!


	7. Take Me to Xanadu (JJ)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is it. A moment in time, a split second decision, and overflowing feelings.

"Are you hiding?" JJ spots her friend outside staring at the stars. "I was until you found me. Shall we dance?" They took a close form. Hands clasps together and feelings so close to spilting over. Emily couldn't hold it in "Jennifer, I wanted to tell you something for awhile on" here it comes "I, um, I love... You and the team so much but, this is the last time you'll see me. I'm going away." 

"Why?" 

"I don't want to talk about it. Maybe one day you'll understand just dance with me." It was a gentle sway. Calming and intimate. Slow but, timeless. Joshua Radin "what if you" came on and it felt perfect. Lyrics fit for a final moment of two people faithed to never stay together in a meaningful way. 

[What if you   
Could wish me away   
What if you   
Spoke those words today]

[I wonder if you'd miss me   
When I'm gone]

"I told you a long time ago that you don't choose who you love? And JJ, I'm hopeless in love with you"

[It's come to this, release me   
I'll leave before the dawn]

"But for most of my time on this Earth with you I couldn't say that. I'm telling you this on your wedding day like an asshole"

[But for tonight   
I'll stay here with you   
Yes, for tonight   
I'll lay here with you]

[But when the sun   
Hits your eyes   
Through your window   
There'll be nothing you can do]

"Maybe it's because I know what comes next or maybe because everytime we are alone, life seems so... perfect." JJ let Emily finish ranting but, her tears started way before that. "Why did you choose to tell me now! When you had years. Years we could have been something." They never stopped dancing despite a brewing hurricane of an agreement. "Don't. This is my last time seeing you, I don't want to fight."

[What if you   
Could hear this song   
What if I   
Felt like I belong]

[I might not be leaving   
Oh so soon   
Began the night believing   
I loved you in the moonlight]

Jennifer didn't look any where but, Emily's face. Looking for a sign or a reason for all this. "Jay, I'm sorry. I know you don't feel that way about me. I have to go. Thank you." 

[I could've treated you better   
Better than this   
Well, I'm gone, this song's your letter   
Can't stay in one place]

The brunette ran off back to her car before she could even catch her and say those three words "I love you." Damnit. Will walked out to the porch "is everything okay, darling?" She nodded. The married couple walked back into the room. Pretending nothing just happened. You'll see a tragic mistake coming but, JJ feels one. Her head echoed words 'I love you' and oh god... "This is the last time I'm going to see you?" What did that mean? Why did everyone want to tell to her right now? What happened to the time and where was Emily? Reid looked frantically around then his worried eyes met JJ's. Hotch and Morgan caught the tension. Rossi looked at his boss then in union they all gather up. Hotch was the first to ask "where's Emily?" 

"I don't know" Reid said and Morgan followed. Jennifer's voice cracked "I talked with her. Um she admitted she had feelings for me." Spencer's brain started to turn "what exactly did she say?" The blonde hacker came to join them as JJ told her exact words." 

Shit. None of them expected why came out of the genius boy's mouth "Last time seeing you? Time on this Earth? Guys... Emily's going to kill herself." What? Jennifer and Garcia were the only ones completely surprised. "Morgan grab Rossi and raid Emily's desk. Take Garcia with, find her Penelope. Reid and I will stop by her apartment. Jennifer, stay here with Will. We'll tell you details later." Funny. Hotch thought she'd back off. "No. I'm coming with you." He tried to argue for the blonde. Obviously he didn't win. Right now her brain could only think about Emily. How much she loved her. In the car she tried the phone again 

"Emily pick up. You're scaring me."

"Emily. Please I need you to answer."

"It's JJ. Please."

"Em, I love you."

"Prentiss answer the god damn phone."

"I need to know you're safe." 

"Please call me back."

And the messages went on that until her messagebox was full. 

[Emily]

She listened to each of the voicemails. Each one making more tears. Emily gripped her gun tightly and tapped it against her head "fuck." There was a door leading to the roof. She had the keys. And just like that the roof became her escape. Drunk off of pain she started to walk towards the ledge. Why was her body fighting her? She was high enough to just fall... When you know you're going to die, your senses go into overdrive. She couldn't jump and she couldn't shoot herself. 'Why are you so weak?' Emily couldn't do it. Closing her eyes she thought about Elizabeth. Then it was easy... Shooting yourself in the abdomen, laying on the ground, looking at the stars, and dying. For a brief moment her head felt clear. Prentiss looked down at the crimson liquid pouring from her person. A slow and painful death? Seemed fitting for a monster. A loser that kills herself over a woman she couldn't have. A weak, useless, pathetic, ugly, unlovable person. Years of denying her depression and the signs. Death felt purifying. Wow. The sky was beautiful. Stars everywhere. Space is infinite. Emily Prentiss is tired. Tired of hunting every endless criminals. Tired of being unhappy. Tired of never being able to tell JJ. Tired of being tired. Life drained from her body and it got harder and harder to keep her eyes open. The gun slid from her hand and her eyes closed. This was it, this was Xanadu.

[JJ] 

Blood. There was just blood everywhere. On her face and hands. All over her dress. Emily's blood covered her soul. The brunette had a pulse. A weak one but, it's there. "Come on, baby. Stay with me."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I could have ended it here (before JJ's last part) but, I didn't. At first, the story was going to end this chapter. After thinking about it I don't believe this is going to be the end. This is a Jemily pairing and it's lacking. I feel like this was bad but, I swear the next one is going to be better (I hope.)


	8. Turn the Page (End)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The end.

"Reid is back with her now. She's stable just resting." Hotch informed the team. He was beating himself up. Morgan was calmest of them. Rossi felt like a prick. Garcia is confused. JJ's a wreck. She was so mad but, sad but, also just a fucking wreck "I want to speak with her. Alone." That was surprising. "Spencer's back with her." 

"I don't care. I'm going to be there when she wakes. Take Reid with you guys." Jennifer didn't care anymore. Nevertheless she wasn't prepared to her again, after the roof. She had borrowed a pair of PJs from Emily's but, blood covered her eyes. "Reid, can I stay with her?" The genius boy was crying "um" sniffle "yeah. Let me say bye." She stepped out until he was done. The brunette lost a lot of blood. JJ found her just in time, damn, it was lucky. JJ held the brunette's hand "you know, I should be mad. Fucking pissed. My wedding day? But, no it's you. Emily Prentiss. Former Interpol agent, current bau agent, and the love of my life. I was going to marry him, Emily! You were going to leave me! Alone. I want to hate you. Really hate you. But, I can't. So, wake up. We need to yell, scream, and cry with each. I'm going to stay with you. Forever." 

Reid knocked on the door. He's lost without her. "I sent the team, home. I'll take the couch, if you want to cuddle up with, Em." She nodded. "Spence, We'll talk tomorrow. It's been a long day." JJ and Emily fit like puzzle pieces. A little rough around the edges but, a perfect fit.

[The Next Day]

Small Short breathes were the first thing she felt then pain and warmth. She started to freak out. Slowly JJ started to wake up. The blonde agent couldn't help but, stare at her friend. "Hi." 

"No. Em. Go back to sleep." 

"Maybe uncuff my hand?"

"why?"

"So I can hold you." 

Jennifer hadn't notcied how close to Emily, she was. A hand caressing her face, lipstick stains on Emily's neck and cheek. "Do you want me to hold you?" Boom. Instant waterworks. JJ could only nod and cry. Emily shifted and held her friend? Soon to be lover? Co-worker? Whatever the fuck, it didn't matter. "I don't know, I don't know. I made a mistake. Em I'm so sorry." They swayed gentle, as the injured party attempted to calm down her happiness "baby, what are you sorry for?" She kept crying "I was going to marry Will. When you're the one I wanted, I want to marry you and you tried to leave me." Emily shakily kissed her forehead "it's okay. I'm here now. Let's sleep. Deal with this tomorrow. I was so sick of being lonely that I tried to be completely alone." 

[Afternoon]

Jennifer was the first to wake and after some careful moving she slipped from Emily's grasp. That simple the most restful sleep she's had. Ever. A nurse walks in just as the blonde was waking up Spencer "Hello. I'm Nurse Hutson. And you are..." 

The blonde flashed her million dollar smile "Agent Jareau. Jennifer. Emily and I are... Well, um--"

"It's complicated" Emily puts in "but, Jennifer knows me better than I know myself." Nurse Hutson chuckled "Oh I have been there before. Summer of '97 John Hutson. Married to a Karen Stepson." JJ walked over to Emily's bed "you married john?" 

"Oh yeah. We have a love so undeniable even Karen felt. It wasn't until years later that we admitted our feelings. And by that time, it was too late for kids. Don't be like John and I. Love knows no bounds." She set down a change of clothes, a form, and some wound dressing "You guys look happy together." Emily took Jennifer's hand "she's not wrong. I had given up and part of me is pissed that you saved me and the other wants to do have happens next." Reid woke up. "I will talk with Will when I get home." 

"JJ, I don't want to pick me because I almost died. I want you to pick someone because you love them." The brunette weakily stood up. "Emily, I love you. Please let's just call about when we get home." Spencer went to help his friend walk better "Why are you getting released?"

"Reid I'm a profiler. I know how to avoid things. Don't worry I have weekly therapy for 6 months." 

[At Emily's house] 

Morgan was pissed. At himself and Emily. He searched the house and found nothing. No letters. Nothing explaining why she tried to... kill herself. Oh god. Thinking about losing a teammate, a friend, to suicide and not an unsub hurt more. It only got worse when Emily, Reid, and JJ walked through the door "why the hell isn't she--"

"Morgan. Let it go. We talked about in the car. She's fine."

"Fine as a person who shot themselves."

"Enough! You want why I did it? Why I didn't tell you?"

"Please" Jennifer said "please Emily." 

"I was sick of it. Never being happy. Always having to run away. I was so tired. It was always that. Garcia was the first to find out, that I was giving up. That was two years ago. After that we called almost were week, she kept me alive. It got really bad when I called Reid and told him how I felt about JJ. It wasn't just JJ that got to me. It was my own weakness. I couldn't tell her. Hotch found out second and provided me with an out. He asked if I wanted to leave the bau. I didn't. Then Elizabeth happened, and I lost it because everything changed. JJ and I ran into Dr. Quinn Hallen. A friend of mine. She convinced me that I could be happy. Elizabeth made promise I'd tell JJ about my feelings. That same day Jennifer invited us to her wedding. So do you know why now? Have I bled enough for you?" Jennifer hit Emily in the shoulder "bled enough? I was the one who found you! Your blood covered my hands" she pushed Emily towards the wall "coated my hands" push "ruined my dress" push "I still see your blood on me. So yes you bled enough" she gave it one more push before walking away. The blonde pull out her.

37 missed calls.

84 text messages.

Half of the texts were from Will. She had disappeared suddenly. It probably scared him. "Mon amour?"

"Hey Will?"

"What happened? Where are you?" 

"Emily, she um. Will, let's not dance around the truth."

"the truth?" 

"I can't stay with you. Emily helped me realize that I can't be with you and be in love with her at the same time."

"You LOVE HER? YOU FUCKING WHORE,  YOU WERE GOING TO MARRY ME WHILE IN LOVE WITH ANOTHER WOMAN?"

"Clearly I realize marrying you would have been a mistake. I'm sorry. I really did love you. You'll  get the papers soon. Have a nice life."

Emily entered the room "are you okay?" They held hands. "I broke it off with Will. He called me a whore." The brunette smiled as their eyes met "so what do we do now?" They both leaned in, touching foreheads "We turn the page and start a new chapter." Emily places a soft kiss on Jennifer's trembling lips "together?"

"Always."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope this was good. Thank you everyone who read, liked, and bookmarked. Your comments kept me going and I really appreciate that. I want to write more Jemily so I made this forum: https://docs.google.com/forms/d/1k26bTYRS1oBWMHLksbEATTcAe-yMDarteQnyG_tnSPA/edit?usp=drivesdk I really love you guys!

**Author's Note:**

> How was this chapter? Anything I should improve?


End file.
